tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post3565693629679491558..comments2023-03-26T00:38:13.905-07:00Comments on Of North: Some Thoughts On...My Last Relationshipchloehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-77690598095094661202014-06-20T17:25:05.171-07:002014-06-20T17:25:05.171-07:00Hi Anon, thank you for reading my story - and for ...Hi Anon, thank you for reading my story - and for following for such a long time! It is important to remember how very much interconnected we all are, especially with the people that are close to us. And it's important to never forget how loved you are, even by people you lest expect. There are always people out there willing to help you and support you, no matter what. And it really hurts those people when you're hurt, and it really drains them when the hurt goes on for a long time. I was so frayed and hardly able to function at the end of the relationship, much less able to be there for another person. And that person was certainly in no way able to be there for me.<br /><br />I'm glad that you realize how much you've hurt the people in your life, but remember that you can always gain them back because the people who truly love and care about you aren't going anywhere. Sometimes they just need a break. I know that I needed a break. I wish you the best of luck with everything. I know how difficult everything ahead of you will be, but always hang on to how loved you are. You're never ever alone, even though you sometimes think you are. There will always be people around who care about you and want the very best for you. I hope to hear from you again, anon! xxxxxxxxxchloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-64893345736442091352014-06-19T15:56:49.529-07:002014-06-19T15:56:49.529-07:00Dear Chloe,
I have been following your blog from...Dear Chloe, <br /><br />I have been following your blog from the beginning (five years! wow!), and I have to say, as much as I adore your style and external beauty, I truly enjoy your insightful posts about feminism, life, and other tough subjects. This has to be my favorite post so far, and I really, truly thank you for sharing. It was lovely, heartbreaking, and compassionate, and gives so much insight to the side of addiction that most people don't even think about. Addiction, like any illness, not only affects the afflicted person, but the people around them who love and care for them, probably more so than a physical illness, because the symptoms of addiction are entirely selfish. <br /><br />"Selfish, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our problems."<br />pg. 62 of Alcoholics Anonymous<br /><br />You really hit the nail on the head with each paragraph, each sentence. I've never heard this side of addiction explained so lovingly, wisely, and deeply. <br /><br />On a very personal note, I love this post because I myself am an alcoholic. I have spent the last six years hurting my family, losing friends, and hurting people around me with my drinking and selfishness. My dad won't help me, even when I got out of jail and didn't have a place to stay, money, or even a phone. I was mad for a while, but I now realize he was hurting too much to have me in his life. <br /><br />I am almost three months sober, living in a sober house, going to meetings, and working with a sponsor every week. <br /><br />Thanks again, Chloe. <br />You are truly a lovely person. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-42898329214638354232014-06-01T21:00:18.848-07:002014-06-01T21:00:18.848-07:00Hi Anon. Thanks for your lovely comment. It took a...Hi Anon. Thanks for your lovely comment. It took a lot of bravery for me to right this, as it put me in a very vulnerable spot (plus scary to confront these feelings) but it's important to me that there is that community & that openness about the topic. Even though some people may not be able to grow in the same way after this experience, I think we all have very similar emotions during it, which makes it significant and makes it worth talking about.chloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-43983916598132290622014-06-01T19:16:42.734-07:002014-06-01T19:16:42.734-07:00I think you are very brave for sharing this. I can...I think you are very brave for sharing this. I can understand why some commenters have mixed feelings about this post, but at the same time, I brushed up against a similar experience and it's meaningful to hear your story. I have to agree that anticipating people's reactions leads to a sense of isolation because there is an instinct to protect the loved person. Your story shows that there is a community for these experiences.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-75288620002970160662014-05-22T17:10:00.162-07:002014-05-22T17:10:00.162-07:00Priya! Thank you for reading my story. I had never...Priya! Thank you for reading my story. I had never known how to address it on the blog in the past - I think I only said that he's sick and getting treatment - because I knew I wasn't ready to address it. The death of this young woman made me realize that we had to start talking about these issues, as they're far spread and you so rarely get to hear from the people on the outside providing support & love. I'm glad that I could give you a new perspective on something you otherwise wouldn't know anything about and I hope that you can take that away with you! We really need to talk about this more because it hurts so many people and so many people live in silence about it.chloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-53932470187538732422014-05-22T13:17:39.199-07:002014-05-22T13:17:39.199-07:00you are so brave to share this. as a long-time rea...you are so brave to share this. as a long-time reader, I also feel very...pleased (I can't find the right word?) that you decided to share on your blog what you'd been going through, since it was alluded to but no one really knew. ah, I know, it makes me feel valued as a reader and a friend, that you would share it.<br /><br />after reading some of these comments, I think it is RIDICULOUS that anyone would tell you how you should feel/have dealt with the situation. you've been through an unimaginably difficult time, and how you choose to respond to that is entirely up to you. additionally (and as always, it seems) I am very impressed with your resilience. this really shed light on a topic I know little to nothing about, so while I am terribly sorry for your pain, I thank you for sharing what you've learned through it!<br /><br /><a href="http://perfectlypriya.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">♥ perfectly Priya</a>Priyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01796247450097331472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-74200889031091375352014-05-21T07:51:51.054-07:002014-05-21T07:51:51.054-07:00Safiya, thanks for the lovely comment & thanks...Safiya, thanks for the lovely comment & thanks for reading my story. It's difficult for people from the outside looking in to understand, but it's important to remember that addicts (and people suffering from mental illness) are good people and deserve love just as much as anyone else. I'm glad you're so supportive of your boyfriend. I'm sure that's not always very easy! Stay strong & keep loving xxchloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-75714244400347378102014-05-21T07:15:07.296-07:002014-05-21T07:15:07.296-07:00Wow, Chloe thank you so much for writing this. You...Wow, Chloe thank you so much for writing this. You have changed the way i think about addiction completely and you are so right. It is a disease just like any other and should not be approached with anger and disgust. I've had a couple relationships with people with mental illnesses, one with a boy with borderline personality disorder who was especially hard to be with. My friends would always tell me to stop seeing him because of how much he upset me and despite it not being a serious relationship (only a few months) and I wasn't in love with him I couldn't stop seeing him. I wanted to help him deal with it, I wanted other people to see the goofy side of him that I saw. In the end I did stop seeing him because I just couldn't put up with the hot and cold nature of him. I didn't want to wake up not knowing if he was going to be nice to me or not that day. I still worry about him and its been 2 years. I seem to attract boys with mental illnesses ha, as my boyfriend now suffers with depression but he handles it very well. There are days when he is down and I feel so helpless but I am lucky enough that my friends understand and comfort me. They no longer see it as something that can be controlled which is good but I wish they had been the same with the boy with bpd then maybe I wouldn't have gotten myself into such a bad place back then too. Safiya https://www.blogger.com/profile/07757281110026514807noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-1608940789780945412014-05-19T15:06:24.686-07:002014-05-19T15:06:24.686-07:00Hi Allison, thanks for the thoughtful comment! I&#...Hi Allison, thanks for the thoughtful comment! I'm sorry you've had to go through a similar experience, but it's good that you have support, especially if it's been ongoing. Thanks for the book recommendations. Right now, I'm trying to avoid too much exposure to this type of issue because it's still very raw and painful for me to confront other than through meditation and self-reflection. But, when I'm ready to get a deeper understanding, I will definitely keep those two in mind. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've dealt with addiction, and I'm sure it won't be the last. Knowing that these resources are out there will be a help. Thanks! xxchloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-27670900320897691762014-05-19T14:40:26.045-07:002014-05-19T14:40:26.045-07:00I wish that your friends had been able to be a bet...I wish that your friends had been able to be a better support network for you. I have a severely depressed friend who struggles with the addiction of self-harm. I have remained friends with her since we were 15 (for 9 years now) though she's put me through hell quite a few times over the years. Addiction is an evil disease no matter its form. It changes people for the worse and it's so hard to show love when the person you love is hurting. My best friend, fortunately has always stood by my side and supported my maintaining this other friendship even when it gets toxic. My husband has also always shown support for me though it has gotten harder and harder for him the more times he has seen me hurt. I am so glad that you are able to begin healing and that you were able to write this! Two books that I found fascinating that deal with addiction (meth in particular) are Tweak and Beautiful Boy. Tweak is from the son's point of view as he battles his addiction and Beautiful Boy is from the father's point of view as he watches his son go through his addiction. Perhaps they could give you some comfort? Or even just be relatable? I thought it was tremendous to read about one family through two lenses, and it gave me a better grasp on how addiction works and what it's like to be an addict. Let me know if you ever do read them!Allisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11555399454519795823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-7746633743173558382014-05-18T18:34:05.986-07:002014-05-18T18:34:05.986-07:00Hi Celia, thank you for reading my story & for...Hi Celia, thank you for reading my story & for following my blog. That means the world to me. I'm sorry that you had to go through that with your friend. It is amazing how needlessly cruel people can be, but it teaches us not to do the same thing to people...so there's always a silver lining? Again, thanks for reading - lovely to hear from you xxchloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-53904080735080512502014-05-18T17:09:59.860-07:002014-05-18T17:09:59.860-07:00Chloe, this post is so beautifully written. poigna...Chloe, this post is so beautifully written. poignant, honest.. it's really struck a chord with me. I've been reading your blog for a couple years now, and have always been totally in awe of your style, skills in writing and how brave you are, truly. A couple years ago I went through a similar struggle with my best friend, and though different than a romantic relationship, a lot of the emotions you touched upon here were ones I battled with too. I totally sympathise with you, being the 'other' in this type of situation is such a difficult and mentally/emotionally taxing role. I haven't heard from this friend for three years now, (they also abruptly cut off communication), and although its a horrible (horriblehorrible) mental curve to get around, I hope that you are starting to feel a sense of whole-ness (does that make sense?) and personal freedom. I hope that in writing this post you've had some closure. you've come through a very emotionally intense time, I sincerely wish you the best as you continue to rebuild your strength xxxxx thank you for sharing this storyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-32406840949623321222014-05-18T11:49:20.116-07:002014-05-18T11:49:20.116-07:00Jess, yes it's so difficult! I think I often b...Jess, yes it's so difficult! I think I often blamed the disease where I should have blamed him, but it is what it is. It's difficult to know where the blame lies, often. Thank you for your lovely comment xxchloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-50860773785945074872014-05-18T11:48:00.220-07:002014-05-18T11:48:00.220-07:00Thank you for your comment Janey! I think that, ev...Thank you for your comment Janey! I think that, even this boyfriend often thought he was a bad person because of his disease. I spent a lot of the relationship assuring him that he was a good person, though in the end, it didn't matter what I said - it's about what he believed. And yes, I think it's important to talk about this in public forums. I thought about it for a long time - what pieces of the story I wanted to share, as it isn't only my story but also his, so it's important to be sensitive - but in the end, I think I shared the most important pieces to understand the decisions that I had to make. Thank you for reading & for starting a conversation about it xxchloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-31344059197274349482014-05-18T11:45:00.665-07:002014-05-18T11:45:00.665-07:00Rachel, thank you for your kind words! I agree, I ...Rachel, thank you for your kind words! I agree, I am so glad to be out of that relationship. Thanks for reading my story xxchloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-70289972691036819642014-05-18T11:43:27.452-07:002014-05-18T11:43:27.452-07:00Hi Hanna, thank you for reading my story & for...Hi Hanna, thank you for reading my story & for leaving such a beautiful comment. I'm glad that we can agree about the power of love xxchloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-65819062813302363652014-05-18T11:42:13.603-07:002014-05-18T11:42:13.603-07:00If he finds an issue with it, he can contact me ab...If he finds an issue with it, he can contact me about it, but I see no problem with illustrating my story with photos. They are photos of happy times before his relapse, and to me, they are flattering of what our relationship once was. They are a ghost of the person he used to be. To most people, these are just photographs of my nameless boyfriend. I'm not even sure I ever attached his name to photos of him on my previous blog. It's a decision that I made and I'm standing by that decision.chloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-89116026178974976742014-05-18T11:21:03.499-07:002014-05-18T11:21:03.499-07:00This is a very slippery slope! Just because his n...This is a very slippery slope! Just because his name wasn't posted here, it could be somewhere else linked to you, which could come back here. This could affect future employment, friendships, relationships. If he blocked you, I think you can assume that he wants to wash his hands of all of this.<br /><br />I'm sure your intentions were good. But putting his picture up is so completely unnecessary to your story. I'm sure you would not appreciate an ex of yours putting up your picture in relation to THEIR side of the story. Not attaining permission does not equal him giving you permission. I know you would not advocate for that if the roles were reversed. <br /><br />Please take the photos down, they are inappropriate and potentially hurtful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-307724268640359132014-05-18T09:16:49.571-07:002014-05-18T09:16:49.571-07:00Chloe, this is a wonderful post and I'm so sor...Chloe, this is a wonderful post and I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. Addiction is an awful disease. There's addiction in my family, and I think one of the hardest parts is trying to seperate where the disease is to blame, and where the individual is to blame, especially when they're lying, stealing etc. I think your attitue of approaching everyone with love is so powerful, and so is having the ability to recognise when loving another is damaging you. xxx Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-29302598453507920212014-05-18T00:19:47.697-07:002014-05-18T00:19:47.697-07:00Hi Alaina, thanks for your comment & for readi...Hi Alaina, thanks for your comment & for reading my story! Yes, I thought really long & hard about what I wanted to include and what I wanted to leave out. In the end, I tried to keep it down mostly to my own feelings and what I saw. I took care to leave out any identifying information about him, even down to his name, age, or where he's from. I mean nothing malicious about this. I wish that, instead of me having to talk it out on my blog, he could have just talked it out with me, but he refused to and went as far to avoid talking with me about it as to block my phone number, just adding to the scars & just adding to what I chose to share about this experience. I took a lot of care in editing what I wanted to say about it, and creating a picture that I find to be fair. And I was careful to not make any sweeping statements about people with addiction issues, instead focusing on how I could have been helped better, not how he could have been helped better (because really, I don't know). Thanks again for reading, & I hope this helps clear up any uncertainty!chloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-90920269639506173012014-05-17T21:47:20.222-07:002014-05-17T21:47:20.222-07:00I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but y...I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but you're really such an amazing person. I really appreciated that you said how we shouldn't treat people with addictions like bad people. I actually ended up starting a conversation with my parents today about it and my dad totally went the whole route of "Well, they chose to do the drug." It's so easy for people to call other people with alcohol or drug addictions bad people because their addictions often do turn them into "bad" people, but it's no help at all telling them they're scum when they probably already feel like that. Anyway, thank you for feeling comfortable enough to be so honest with the people who read your blog. You're such a sweet and caring person and this post made me want to give you a hug. Janeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18084270296785597780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-74276093578030596712014-05-17T17:29:15.044-07:002014-05-17T17:29:15.044-07:00I've been following your blog for a very long ...I've been following your blog for a very long time. I haven't ever commented, but was deeply stirred (idk if that's the right word) by this post. Thank you so much for sharing this, for speaking about it. It's something that is incredibly important. Incredibly, incredibly important. I feel for you and I feel for him. I feel for your friends. Love really is the most important thing in the world. It is so, SO.. so very important to show love to people when they really need it. sometimes it can be hard to see when/that they really need it. but that's exactly when. I love you Chloe. Thanks for this powerful post. hannahttp://tomatotomato.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-15931028301636826302014-05-17T16:41:12.933-07:002014-05-17T16:41:12.933-07:00I have to admit, I was wondering what was going on...I have to admit, I was wondering what was going on with him all this time. I'm glad you shared your story but it makes me uncomfortable that with your story, we're getting a good bit of his. I can see the care you took in explaining what was going on and I'm certain you don't have malicious intent. I just know I wouldn't want all my business aired out in such a public forum.Alaina M.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-6229100755567744272014-05-17T14:52:04.667-07:002014-05-17T14:52:04.667-07:00What a difficult thing to go through. It's eas...What a difficult thing to go through. It's easy to forget that mental illness and addiction are diseases and not choices, and I'm sure you had to make a lot of very hard decisions.<br />Even though it was hard, I'm glad you're out of that toxic relationship and have more time to focus on yourself, because you deserve that.<br /><br />RachelAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12740769192574752480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527225882658554920.post-26644880280349492982014-05-17T14:41:53.065-07:002014-05-17T14:41:53.065-07:00Hi Maria, thank you for your kind comment & th...Hi Maria, thank you for your kind comment & thank you for taking the time to read my story xxchloehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10891447153839253531noreply@blogger.com