I don't have a whole lot in my life right now. I wait anxiously for the two days a week when I get to work my part-time job. I spend most of my days at home looking for a full-time job (and finding nothing). I've been lucky enough to catch up with old friends lately - I've gone for numerous coffee dates and have spent a lot of time reminiscing about high school and middle school with these old pals who I haven't seen in years. It's made me extremely grateful that I've met so many wonderful people in my short life - and that for whatever reason, they still want to be my friend. But let's get straight to what I've mostly been doing lately: wallowing. I continue to have an extremely difficult time understanding why my friend is treating me like they are. I was never taught that it's okay to throw people out - that people are disposable objects that you can just trash whenever they become inconvenient to you. This is not an attitude that I was taught. My parents always encouraged me to sort out issues with people who are giving me trouble, and my mother recently complimented me on how closely I tend to my friendships. I guess for that reason, it's really hurting me that I cannot mend things with this friend - the only friend who I currently have any type of grudge with. I spent the past month trying to preserve some type of happy memory to attach to this person, but in the end I'm only left with extreme hurt. At least I have a cat who understands me. And 7 seasons worth of Gilmore Girls episodes to binge on. I just finished painting a cheap bookcase with cheap paint, and I think it's time to break out the water colours again to paint some of the scapes I've been dreaming up in this dreary winter weather.
I think it's great that you would rather work on fixing a relationship rather than just let it go but I do think in some cases, trying to fix bad friendships/relationships aren't worth your time! I had a friend once who was truly awful to me and tried for awhile to try and fix it but in the end I realized that all this was just causing me sadness and distress. If this friend belongs in your life, they'll come back. It might be months or years, but if they're truly meant to be in your life then you'll find your way back to each other. For now, I think it's best to let them go, because they're doing more harm to you than good.
ReplyDeleteHi Janey, yes I agree. I gave up on talking with this friend a few weeks ago, now. But it still breaks my heart - he was my BEST friend - and I'm having trouble understanding it all the same, unfortunately. I think it doesn't help that the weather is dreary & terrible!
DeleteRule of thumb...leave exes in your past. If he doesn't want to be with you, you can't convince him otherwise. It'll just make you look like a fool. You don't want that to be his last memory of you.
ReplyDeleteHi anon, I've never had any trouble moving on from exes. This person was a best friend. I value friends much more highly than I ever have boyfriends, & for that, it hurts.
DeleteI'm in the same situation, I'm older than you and still wallowing on and off in my life, waiting for a course to start and looking for a part time job.I currently work 1 day a week. I've just gotten over one of my friends chucking our friendship out and it took about 2 1/2 years until I can finally move on. Take each day as it comes
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words, Selina. I'm sorry to hear about your issues with your friend, too. I hope that I start feeling better a lot sooner than that, but we'll see. All wounds take time to heal. It sounds like we're both sort of in the same boat in a lot of respects!
DeleteDon't be too hard on yourself, sweetie. Heart wounds go deep and need some TLC to heal properly. I find if I give myself full permission to grieve my loss ('cause that's what's happening here), I move through it much more swiftly than I expected. You won't stay "wallowing" forever--it's a season, and you will come out better, stronger, healthier, wiser and with fresh perspective and energy. Prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks dear! I have finally gotten past the trying to fix things part and the just trying to grieve and talk things through with the people I feel might be able to help me. It's a good stage but it still makes me feel so desperate and vulnerable. I hope that I move past this quickly and do not come out bitter or anything of the like! xx
DeleteiI love the last pic. is beautiful.
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